How Do You Know the Person You Meet Online Is Really an Adult?
Meeting people online is more commonplace than ever. Whether it is dating on Tinder, meeting people to play pickleball on Meetup, or buying a sofa off Facebook Marketplace, so much of our socializing is done online now. But how do you know if the person you are meeting online is real? And perhaps most importantly, how do you know the person you are meeting online is who they say they are, or the age they say they are.
The Problem With Online Age Verification
Many apps and websites have requirements that the user be over 18 years old (or under 18 years old in some cases). But the vast majority of these age verification tools are simply users inputting a birthday year or checking a box confirming they are 18 years old or older (or younger). These verification tools are largely an honor system among users.
Unfortunately, that makes it easier than ever for someone to lie about their age and claim they are older – or younger.
Law Enforcement Stings and Online Communication Risks
It also makes it possible for law enforcement to conduct “sting operations” where they initially pose as an adult, only later to tell users that they are minors. They then attempt to get the user to agree to meet up with the minor or the “decoy” so that they can arrest the user. This is a generally legal law enforcement tactic and not uncommon.
Why You Can’t Be Certain of Someone’s Age Online
So how do you know the person you meet online is a real person and being truthful about their age? The short answer is – you don’t. But there are a few things to keep in mind in order to protect yourself.
Questions You Can Ask to Gauge Someone’s Age
First and foremost, just ask someone how old they are. Don’t assume from someone’s profile that they are being truthful about their age. Again, since many websites have the requirement that a user be over 18 years old, someone may simply pick an age that allows them access to the website. Particularly on dating apps, it is not uncommon for minors to be using dating apps by merely using a fake age to bypass the age verification tools used by websites and apps.
If you confirm someone’s age, and you still suspect a person may be lying about their age, trust your instinct. You can ask other questions that may be indicative of someone’s age, like their graduation year or where they work and/or go to school now. If you still have concerns, you can ask to have a platonic video chat via FaceTime, What’s App, etc. to help ascertain their truthfulness regarding their age before meeting up or developing the relationship further. Unless you are certain about the age of the person you are communicating with, it’s important to avoid asking for sexually explicit pictures or sending sexually explicit pictures, having sexually explicit conversations, or arranging to meet up with someone.
Precautions When Meeting in Person
If you decide to meet up with someone you met online, keep in mind many people can look older or younger than they actually are. You still need to be cautious about assuming a person’s age. If you do meet up in person, you can certainly ask to see identification to confirm a person’s age. But, keep in mind, the person that you are meeting up with could have a fake ID. It is also not uncommon for people under the age of 18 years old to be smoking and drinking, so don’t assume that these observations alone will confirm a person’s age.
The Consequences Can Be Severe
It may sound daunting, but there are serious consequences that can result from communicating with a minor. It can also be very dangerous for a minor to be communicating with an adult posing as another minor.
What to Do If You’re Caught in a Situation Like This
So, what happens if you find yourself accidentally in communication with someone who has lied about their age? Stop the communication immediately. If you find yourself in this position, we strongly advise you to reach out to the experienced sex crimes attorneys at Chastaine Jones to determine what further action to take. You may be the victim or fraud or entrapment, so it is important to reach out to our attorneys as soon as possible.
FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions About Communicating with a Minor Online
Navigating online communication can be risky, especially when age and identity are uncertain. Below are common questions we hear from clients who are concerned about unintentionally interacting with a minor online—or facing accusations that could damage their reputation, freedom, and future. Understanding your rights and legal risks is the first step to protecting yourself.
No, simply talking to a minor is not automatically illegal. However, the context and content of the conversation matter greatly. Innocent conversations are typically not criminal. But if an adult engages in sexually explicit conversation, sexting, or attempts to meet in person, especially when the minor is under 18, that communication may violate federal or state laws—even if the minor initiated it. The safest course is to avoid any private or personal conversation with someone whose age you cannot verify.
Being friends with a minor is not inherently illegal. The law does not forbid friendships across age groups. But when it comes to online communication, even friendships can raise red flags if the interaction includes private messaging, intimate details, or suggestive language. The nature of the relationship is what matters most. Adults must exercise caution and clear boundaries to avoid misunderstandings or legal consequences.
Unfortunately, a minor lying about their age online does not necessarily protect the adult from legal consequences. Courts often hold adults accountable regardless of intent, especially in criminal cases involving inappropriate content or contact. In law enforcement sting operations, for example, an undercover officer may pose as an adult before later revealing they are a minor. Even if deception occurred, the adult may still be charged. That’s why verifying age and avoiding any sexually suggestive behavior is essential.
It depends on the context. Adults regularly interact with minors in school, sports, and family settings. But private conversations online—particularly through dating apps, chat rooms, or social media—are fraught with legal risks. Even if the intent is innocent, it can be misconstrued. If a minor is not clearly identified or verified, adults should avoid engaging in direct messages, especially those involving personal or sensitive topics.